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chpeverill-conti's blog

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chpeverill-conti's picture

Can't take it

on February 3, 2014 - 11:06am

I can't take it right now, I was in algebra but I just can't do it! My mind is all over the place, cramps fucking kill. I know I should be using skills to make myself feel better, like I learned in the partial hospitalization program, but it's much easier said than done I really don't think this school is right for me, maybe if I don't go tomorrow it'll help. I feel like such an outsider here. I have friends but they just don't seem to get what I'm going through.

chpeverill-conti's picture

First day back

on February 3, 2014 - 9:12am

I'm back at school. After 21 school days absent, I'm back. And shit, I am wicked nervous. I just wanna get out of this fucking place nothing matters anyways. I don't wanna....
- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture


on January 26, 2014 - 6:45am

- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture

For the love of XxstraightjacketxX, reblog

on January 18, 2014 - 3:42pm

Straightjacket, we miss you so much please come back and talk to us again, I miss you so much and you've touched so many hearts. You've helped me through so much, please let us help you. Please, you're my best friend


chpeverill-conti's picture

This will make you smile, trust me

on January 18, 2014 - 5:43am

This song makes me so happy, it's wicked funky and if you watch the video it's actually super funny in the way that we don't jump out from behind walls. Love the Bee Gees!



Friday June 07, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

4 mins until FOOD TIME! so fucking bored in social studies, wuzzup with u guys? 3.30 mins uggggghhhhhhhh

Wednesday June 05, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I don't even know any more... I get these really intense highs and lows. Like, my dr. thinks I'm bipolar highs and lows. I have been on this great high for about four days now. But I saw that Mikey said that he "hates unicorns" and something snapped. Something wasn't right in me. It should have been a little thing, but for some reason it was huge and hit me hard. Falling into depression seems like such an easy thing to do for me. Sometimes depression feels easier because if you're depressed and down, you don't really have to hide it because you know it's not worth trying. I really have been trying to be okay, for the band and my friends + family. But I'm sinking again and I don't know how I'm going to keep on going on this rollar coaster. I wish there was a break or an escape...

Wednesday May 22, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

You can cry all you like
but you will never take my life
because I am not afraid to keep on living
even if I have to walk this world alone
I promise I will stay
even when I don’t love you like I did yesterday
Turn off the light,
so long and goodnight
we’ll carry on
and sing it out out for the ones that’ll hate our guts
Life ain’t just a joke
but we’re still laughing.
Mama, we’re all gonna die,
but if you promise not to cry
I promise I will save the world
Cause no one wants to die
you’ll never break me
Put this spike in my heart and
do or die, you’ll never make me
because the world will never take my heart
without you is how I disappear,
I’ll never let them hurt you
Because the world is ugly
but you’re beautiful to me
We’ll say goodbye today
and I’m sorry how it ends this way
did you grab your glass?
Because there’s gonna be a flood.
You’re just a sad song
with nothing to say
about kiss goodbye, laughter as we die
save yourself, I’ll hold them back tonight
Stop your crying
helpless feeling
dry your eyes and start believing
pull the pin
and watch this world explode

Tuesday May 21, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

It irritates me how people use women and girls. And I'm not just talking about trafficking or rape or anything physical (although that does agitate me as well). I'm pissed off by the way people talk about our gender. Some people think we are only looks. They listen to our pretty voices, and look at our butts and think that's all we are. A lot of people, at least. It's so annoying. We're treated equal for the most part, except for those guys who still feel as though they can't interact with the color pink because it's "a girl color." Why do the colors matter? No one claims a color and it's not a bad thing to be associated with the opposite gender. Being obsessed with human rights like I am, it also pisses me off how it feels as though we can't act on making America (cause the world would be wayyy too hard) a better place for women because of our age. People listen, but don't hear us because we're immature. And that just leaves me confused, because I am well aware that maturity has a bit to do with age, but not everything by any means. Those girls who are drama queens and dunderheads give us all a bad name and it is so irritating.
- Zee

Monday May 20, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys,
I have a school project that requires 5 artifacts of literature and one of mine is an obituary. I'm doing my project on MCR. How's it sound?

My Chemical Romance was a band formed in New Jersey, October of 2001. But on March 22, 2013, this life-saving band had a downfall. This blog post was posted on the official website by the band itself:
“Being in this band for the past 12 years has been a true blessing. We've gotten to go places we never knew we would. We've been able to see and experience things we never imagined possible. We've shared the stage with people we admire, people we look up to, and best of all, our friends. And now, like all great things, it has come time for it to end. Thanks for all of your support, and for being part of the adventure.”
Fans of the band (who call themselves the MCRmy or Killjoys) were heartbroken. Many members of the MCRmy shared their emotions on the breakup and how the band helped them on the official My Chemical Romance website. One of these fans was To Every Enemy, who said “You guys have been there for me through thick and thin. You have been the sound track to my life in every tough moment, every time that I felt I should just off myself. Be done with it. Your music gave me hope. Gave me something to be happy about. Your music made me feel something when all I felt was numb.”
Although the band is over, and it seems as though they are dead, countless Killjoys still carry on and believe in the band. Not long after the breakup, lead vocalist Gerard Way posted a tweet on Twitter about the breakup, in which he gave fans some hope by saying “My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you. I always knew that, and I think you did too. Because it is not a band- it is an idea.”
With that post, My Chemical Romance left the MCRmy with some hope and the message for the band that “your memory will carry on.” And they remember My Chemical Romance, 2001-∞.

Wednesday May 15, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Ok, so my life is chaotic right now and I really just need to vent on some incidents that took place today.
I've been dating this boy for about a year now. He will not be named because he is also a killjoy, and I believe he would appreciate to be kept anonymous. Anyways, he's had a very difficult life so far. He's 14, transgendered (biologically female), his mother gave birth to him when she was 14, and he's a foster child. Recently, he's been bouncing between hospitals and group homing programs. Apparently, while he was in a program, he did *stuff* with some boy he met there. And now he's pregnant. He just told me today. I can't say I've been entirely faithful to him either, but that's the thing. It's been an unhealthy relationship pretty much since day one. I have this problem where I carry other's weight and feel responsible for others, forgetting myself in the process. There was a time, not long ago, when I really realized that this wasn't good, I felt dependent. But it was bad, cause I like being me and my own person and being independent. And I felt that with him, I couldn't be independent. Now I want to get out, but my stupid "Others Before Myself" side kicks in. I hate it. How could I leave this poor kid that I've devoted all my attention, love and care to for a year that is now in deep shit, and just walk away? I HATE IT! I hate being insecure, not of how I look, but in thinking that I don't matter and everyone else does. That's been my mindset my whole life. As long as I can remember, I've just been the helper who picks people up again and again and again, and then I fall down myself because I'm EXHAUSTED from fixing everyone else, and I didn't even notice I was weary.
Sorry for the rant, but thanks for reading, and if you could give me some advice, that would be great.
- Z