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chpeverill-conti's picture

Anxiety

on February 27, 2014 - 5:18am

I smile.
Anxiety.
I speak.
Anxiety.
I exist.
Anxiety.
I make a noise.
Anxiety.
I go to school.
ANXIETY
Somebody makes a noise.
Anxiety.
I say something dumb,
I look in the mirror,
Loud noises.
Anxiety
Anxiety
Anxiety
-----------------------------------------------
When I woke up this morning, I couldn't get up because I would have to go to school. I haven't really eaten much in the past few days, so that might be part of it. I just really DON'T wanna be here. My mom's at work, so she can't pick me up. School isn't productive anymore. I don't see my friends anymore.

chpeverill-conti's picture

It's Gone!

on February 26, 2014 - 5:30am

You guys may have seen BrokenUp's post. I want to tell you what she was talking about.
So, I was sad. Like usual. Moping about. BrokenUp has been telling me for a while that I should get rid of my blade. I've always been very nervous about this.
But this one night, I was really lost and exhausted. And I didn't know what to do. So BrokenUp told me again to rid myself of my little demon. She told me of a YouTuber who allows people to send him their demons. So I sent him mind. It's officially GONE
FInally, I feel relief :)
xoxo
- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture

"You're Not Alone"

on February 24, 2014 - 4:15am

Have you guys herd the song "You're Not Alone" by Of Mice & Men? I just got it and been listening to in practically non stop. It speaks to me, "When your reflection in the mirror smiles back it lies, you know it." Then the lyrics are "Don't let the world bring you down" and "Will you keep moving on, or be forced to lose" it reminds me that it doesn't have to be bad, but I also feel like I don't have a choice. I can't help it.

chpeverill-conti's picture

I CAN"T FUCKING GO

on February 14, 2014 - 3:28am

I can't go to school. I can't, I just can't. It's not even because it's valentines day. I'm just not up for it, the stress, the doing work. The risk of feeling good. I don't want to feel good today, I don't deserve it and I don't want it. Can I please just live in a hole where I just isolate forever? I CAN'T DO IT!!!! Let me go, I don't want to get better right now.It's pointless, I'll just end up down again anyways.
- Z

chpeverill-conti's picture

I CAN"T FUCKING GO

on February 14, 2014 - 3:28am

I can't go to school. I can't, I just can't. It's not even because it's valentines day. I'm just not up for it, the stress, the doing work. The risk of feeling good. I don't want to feel good today, I don't deserve it and I don't want it. Can I please just live in a hole where I just isolate forever? I CAN'T DO IT!!!! Let me go, I don't want to get better right now.It's pointless, I'll just end up down again anyways.
- Z

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MY BLOG

Sunday September 01, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

What's the point of life? It's boring, lonely, sad, depressing, and old. I'm not sure what to do with myself, every day is the same thing. Every day. What am I supposed to do?
- Z

:'(
Friday August 30, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I just posted here a few hours ago, but here I am at 1:53 AM, feeling like shit. Why? Cause I'm worthless. I'm hideous. I'm revolting. I'm disgusting. I'm just a fucking demented, distorted emo kid who locks herself in her room all day every day. I'm a freak. The other kids are right, I am a fucking weirdo. One day I feel fine, the next I'm like this. I hate myself. I'm so negative, but there's not much I can do about that now, because I hate myself. I hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. Why do I have to be like this? Why is there a swarm of hate in me every damn day? Why does it have to be me? What did I do to deserve this? I must have done something. Or else I wouldn't be punished this much. I'm an idiot. I'm a worthless piece of trash. I hate everything about myself. But you guys don't want to listen to some depressed girl rant on and on and on about her stupid fucking self. So long and goodnight
xoxo
- Z

:(
Friday August 30, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I think I'm just having a bad day. I really miss MCR. I'm listening to disenchanted (live version) and GERARD WAY YOU ARE NOT HELPING IN THE SLIGHTEST! They made me who I am today and I never got the chance to thank them. One of my best friends, I met her here on this site. And she's done so much for me. I don't know. I'm in that mood again. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but it feels like the list goes on and on and on. I feel so hideously disgusting again. I though I wasn't going to have to feel like this again, but here we go. What the fuck am I going to do? I wish I wasn't so attached to MCR, maybe I wouldn't be so :( but I'd be so much more :'''''''( . I don't know where I'd be. I... oh shit. Welcome to the Black Parade came on. Got to go. I have to escape the feels.
xoxo
- Z

Thursday August 29, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys. So, I already posted today, but oh well.
As I said before, I just entered high school. And I already met a girl I'm beginning to like "in that way." she has red hair and glasses, and when I first met her she was wearing a Green Day shirt (Metallica today). I don't know what it is, but I feel this pull towards her. I'm not sure if I should act on it or not. For now, I'm planning on just being friends for a while, so I can get a better feel for weather she's lesbian or some variation or straight. Any advice on how to find out if she's gay? Ask her out yay or nay and when?
Thanks!
- Z

Thursday August 29, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey there, MCRmy. This is Z :3 I haven't really been on all summer. Ops. But now I'm back in school, my freshman year at the public high school. So I'll be on here a ton now. Any recs for good MCR fics?
I'm actually doing okay for once. I get these periods of times, where (this is a secret of mine, but since I know none of you in person I'll say it) I feel REALLY masculine. To the point where I question my gender and wonder why I'm in a girl body instead of a male one. And then there are days like today when I'm a slightly masculine female. This is what feels normal. But the male days still come, and they feel very real. But what can I do. I express myself when I feel like that, and I carry on.
- Z

ray
Monday July 15, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear ray
Happy birthday to you

To a guitar god, you ROCK!!!!! Love ya Ray :))