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chpeverill-conti's blog

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Update

on March 3, 2014 - 4:49am

I'm lonely. Feel like I whine about life all the time, every time people talk to me it seems like I'm still whining about absolutely everything. I need to stop being so self absorbed.
Also, I feel lonely. not friend wise, but in terms of romance. I feel in love once. over a year ago! I wish there was someone near me who liked mcr and bands and was cute and i don't care if she's femme or butch or something in between i just wish i had a girlfriend. I want to feel loved. But the thing is, i don't want to look for a relationship because that never goes over well.

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my tumblr

on March 1, 2014 - 11:40am

follow me, i'll follow you :)
http://zzombieyum.tumblr.com/
- Z

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Anxiety

on February 27, 2014 - 5:18am

I smile.
Anxiety.
I speak.
Anxiety.
I exist.
Anxiety.
I make a noise.
Anxiety.
I go to school.
ANXIETY
Somebody makes a noise.
Anxiety.
I say something dumb,
I look in the mirror,
Loud noises.
Anxiety
Anxiety
Anxiety
-----------------------------------------------
When I woke up this morning, I couldn't get up because I would have to go to school. I haven't really eaten much in the past few days, so that might be part of it. I just really DON'T wanna be here. My mom's at work, so she can't pick me up. School isn't productive anymore. I don't see my friends anymore.

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It's Gone!

on February 26, 2014 - 5:30am

You guys may have seen BrokenUp's post. I want to tell you what she was talking about.
So, I was sad. Like usual. Moping about. BrokenUp has been telling me for a while that I should get rid of my blade. I've always been very nervous about this.
But this one night, I was really lost and exhausted. And I didn't know what to do. So BrokenUp told me again to rid myself of my little demon. She told me of a YouTuber who allows people to send him their demons. So I sent him mind. It's officially GONE
FInally, I feel relief :)
xoxo
- Z

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"You're Not Alone"

on February 24, 2014 - 4:15am

Have you guys herd the song "You're Not Alone" by Of Mice & Men? I just got it and been listening to in practically non stop. It speaks to me, "When your reflection in the mirror smiles back it lies, you know it." Then the lyrics are "Don't let the world bring you down" and "Will you keep moving on, or be forced to lose" it reminds me that it doesn't have to be bad, but I also feel like I don't have a choice. I can't help it.

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MY BLOG

Monday September 09, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Around last May, I was in a band with my friend. Apparently I was really obvious about liking her (like, kids were betting on it obvious) and long story short, we kissed. Now, I still like her and I just found out that she STILL likes me!
I was texting her friend, and she said "Are you ___'s girlfriend?" "I think she likes you." and "you should ask her out." I've been trying to ask her out for a while now but she's always SUPER busy. She lives 30-45 mins away from me and is always at school or work. It's rough, cause I like her a ton, but we can't really hang out, even as friends, cause she's so busy.
Anyways, just thought I'd tell you guys :3
xoxo
- Z

Sunday September 08, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Guess what's stuck in my mom's head? I don't love you. Guess what was stuck in her head yesterday? To the end. I have accomplished something. Yay :)

Tuesday September 03, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys,
I've been thinking recently, no one believes me when I tell them who my best friend has come to be, just because I met her on this site. It's really rough, when I feel so connected to someone who lives 1171 miles away. You know who you are, and I'm sorry if I sound creepy. My friends at home aren't the same. I love them, but there's only so much I can tell them. It's really special to find someone with so much in common who accepts me for me. Whenever I need someone, I know she's there and I really hope she know I'm always there for her. Loyal friendship is so rarely found at this time, and it's amazing that it's here.
Thanks for being my friend. You have no idea how much it means to me. :)
- Z

Sunday September 01, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

What's the point of life? It's boring, lonely, sad, depressing, and old. I'm not sure what to do with myself, every day is the same thing. Every day. What am I supposed to do?
- Z

:'(
Friday August 30, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I just posted here a few hours ago, but here I am at 1:53 AM, feeling like shit. Why? Cause I'm worthless. I'm hideous. I'm revolting. I'm disgusting. I'm just a fucking demented, distorted emo kid who locks herself in her room all day every day. I'm a freak. The other kids are right, I am a fucking weirdo. One day I feel fine, the next I'm like this. I hate myself. I'm so negative, but there's not much I can do about that now, because I hate myself. I hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. Why do I have to be like this? Why is there a swarm of hate in me every damn day? Why does it have to be me? What did I do to deserve this? I must have done something. Or else I wouldn't be punished this much. I'm an idiot. I'm a worthless piece of trash. I hate everything about myself. But you guys don't want to listen to some depressed girl rant on and on and on about her stupid fucking self. So long and goodnight
xoxo
- Z

:(
Friday August 30, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I think I'm just having a bad day. I really miss MCR. I'm listening to disenchanted (live version) and GERARD WAY YOU ARE NOT HELPING IN THE SLIGHTEST! They made me who I am today and I never got the chance to thank them. One of my best friends, I met her here on this site. And she's done so much for me. I don't know. I'm in that mood again. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but it feels like the list goes on and on and on. I feel so hideously disgusting again. I though I wasn't going to have to feel like this again, but here we go. What the fuck am I going to do? I wish I wasn't so attached to MCR, maybe I wouldn't be so :( but I'd be so much more :'''''''( . I don't know where I'd be. I... oh shit. Welcome to the Black Parade came on. Got to go. I have to escape the feels.
xoxo
- Z