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chpeverill-conti's blog

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When Life Shits On You...

on March 10, 2014 - 10:18am

So many people seem down today on here. I'm gonna tell you now that things DO get better and you're not alone. I promise. Life likes put the strong ones through a lot. But life won't do this to you forever, you have done NOTHING wrong to deserve this, You are all beautiful and thank you so so so much for sticking through, for staying strong.
"Everything's gonna be alright in the end, if it's not alright then it's not the end."
- Z

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on March 10, 2014 - 6:53am

I have to sing therapy for my school rock band and i'm really nervous because although I love singing this song I can't sing in front of people well, so i'm screwed.

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Mood Has Been Good :)

on March 6, 2014 - 10:16am

I have great new guys! I haven't been really super sad since monday. That's THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! There haven't even been any intense urges in this time. Right now, I'm taking advantage of the fact that I'm in a much better place and doing things that make me as happy as possible.
However, I can't help but worry. Being bipolar, my mood could change at any point. Hopefully it will take it's time switching, as I'm enjoying feeling good. It enables me to be more productive, have more fun, and I can look in the mirror occasionally.

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I met someone

on March 4, 2014 - 5:29am

hey guys,
so last night I went to WAGLY (a big gay straight alliance for youth in the area). The drag queen, Juju Bee was there and it was fun. I saw a girl with purple hair. my first thought was that she's really cute, but looks too cool for me, with her band jacket (i couldn't tell what band it was) and bondage legging-pants. I introduced myself to her anyways. She said her name was _____. She seemed nice, and it turned out that she was a very good friend of mine's neighbor. So when we sat down for introductions, she complimented my "i'm not okay" button.

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on March 3, 2014 - 4:49am

I'm lonely. Feel like I whine about life all the time, every time people talk to me it seems like I'm still whining about absolutely everything. I need to stop being so self absorbed.
Also, I feel lonely. not friend wise, but in terms of romance. I feel in love once. over a year ago! I wish there was someone near me who liked mcr and bands and was cute and i don't care if she's femme or butch or something in between i just wish i had a girlfriend. I want to feel loved. But the thing is, i don't want to look for a relationship because that never goes over well.



Friday September 20, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I don't know how (well, actually I do but I'll get to that later), but in the past 3 weeks I've lost 14 lbs. WHAT?!?! It's kinda terrifying cause I was 105 lbs and now I'm 91 lbs. I'm also 5 foot 1.5 inches. Is this unhealthy? I think I lost the weight because I eat a waffle for breakfast, and dinner. Some days I'll have a snack if I get hungry, but I usually don't. My girlfriend told me that since I'm post-anorexic, my stomach is small and I need to stretch it out. I want to gain weight, but I don't like eating. I just don't. I hate the feeling of being full and I don't like how it takes time out of my day. Call me crazy, but I just don't enjoy food or anything.
- Z

Monday September 16, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys,
So I recently put my finger on what I've been feeling since 6ish grade. I am gender queer. Today at WAGLY (my GSA) I said my pronouns were they/them/their. It felt so great to get that out in such a safe environment.
Today I tried to bind with an ace bandage, but then it hurt too much so I had to take it off :(
Because of this, I think I'm going to get a REAL ftm binder. Does anyone know of any good brands? I use amazon. I know about underworks but I want to look at all my options.
Anyways, it's been so great to express myself. And my girlfriend is pansexual, so she's been so supportive through this. Telling me that it's great that I'm me and the same person :) The only hard part is her dad/grandparents are super trans/homophobic, so they can't know about us or my gender. It's kinda sad, cause I like her a lot.
We went on a date Friday, we were SO FREAKING CUTE!!! We went to build a bear and made each other bears named Draco and Harry (Draco is mine) and we danced in Urban Outfitters and skipped around. Then we went back to my house and slept in each others arms <3

Saturday September 14, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Today is my birthday and I'm hanging out with friends. I should be happy. But I'm not. I feel as though I've been marked with a big black X.This always happens to me, I end up feeling like shit and I wish I didn't have to think.
- Z

Thursday September 12, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I'm in Spanish class and mega bored, so why not be productive and post a bog. What are you guys up to, and how are you? But honestly, no pretending you're OK. Are you really OK? If you are or aren't, I don't care. I still want you to inbox me. I want to make sure you all know that you matter to me. Every single one of you. If you're having a rough day or need someone to talk to, I'm always here. The MCRmy helped me, so I'll help every last revenger. Never forget that you're strong and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wanting to get better. Please talk to someone if you need help, keep running.
- Z

Wednesday September 11, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys,
Is there any way I can change my username on this site? I want it to be my killjoy name (Cosmic Constellation) But If you can change the user name, can someone please tell me how? Thanks :)
My friend set me up on a blind double date (herself, Her boyfriend/my best friend, and one of her friends she thinks I'd be good with) for friday. I'm talking to the girl now. Her name is Monica, and she's actually really cool. She likes Aerosmith and the Ramones, crafty like me, and also pretty nerdy with love of HP and musicals. We have a lot in common, and I like her. I wouldn't mind even dating her. She told my friend that put us together that she likes to take relationships slow. I'm willing to do this, but it'll be a change cause I always take dating too fast. I want to make Monica worth it. She's super sweet and pretty and I hope this goes well :)
Flirty conversation:
ME: (On writing) "Yeah, I get that. Everything turns into a romance, doesn't it?"
Monica: "Ohhh yes it does. Hopefully this will too :)"
I don't usually flirt, so this is MEGA exciting for me.
Love ya
- Z

Tuesday September 10, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Since it is Mikey's birthday, here I am in school dressed like him, glasses and all. Even though I don't usually wear them. Happy birthday!
- Z