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on April 1, 2014 - 4:16am

SO I was sad. I've been sad for a couple days after my streak of happiness.
I think I found what makes me happy:
yes, omg squirrel . com. its a website devoted to squirrel pictures. at first it wans't helping, but then i hit reload and saw the sledding squirrel and the squirrel being blown in the wind. God, I fucking love squirrels.

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Essay on why you should listen to MCR

on March 31, 2014 - 6:56am

Z Peverill-Conti

“It’s not a band - it’s an idea.”
My Chemical Romance (MCR) started in 2001, after singer Gerard Way witnessed the 9/11 attacks first hand. He joined Ray Toro (guitar), Frank Iero (guitar), Mikey Way (bass) and Matt Pelissier (drums, later replaced by Bob Bryar) together into a band with the goal of helping people. They released 4 albums over the 12 years that they were together. Unfortunately, on March 22, 2013, the band split up due to unknown causes. Despite the band’s break up, people still listen to MCR’s music for many reasons that should be considered.

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Sorry for all the posts, I just need to get this out

on March 28, 2014 - 5:51am

I'm okay. But at the same time, I'm not.
I feel like I'm honestly happy, but I also feel like I'm not.
It's like something is bubbling inside of me, waiting to explode.
What's wrong with being sad? WHat's wrong with being depressed? Whats wrong with being broken? I can't hurt myself anymore. Got ride of my tools. So why do people want to fix me? Sure, I don't like feeling this way, but I don't like feeling any way really, because all that I feel, it feels fake. And I don't want help right now because I don't need help right now. I'm not fine and that's okay.
there's so much fucking wrong with

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Job Didn't work out

on March 28, 2014 - 5:18am

there were too many people, the work was too stressful, and my work permit says I can only work till 7 but they need me till 8. So it's not working out anymore :/
- Z

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Got A Job

on March 27, 2014 - 11:01am

I've never had a job before, but Green Leaf Café (the vegan/vegetarian restaurant) just hired me to bus tables. I'm working today, tomorrow, saturday and sunday. but today and friday are training sessions. I hope it works out. :)



Tuesday October 01, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I ran through the door, glee clear on my face. I had just seen my dad’s band, Waiting For Neil, perform and a had great night. Nothing could ruin it. Or so I thought. I flopped down onto my laptop and logged into Facebook, where I had one notification. I clicked on it, to find that Rosie had left a comment on my wall. It read “Have you heard about MCR yet?”
Suddenly, a gush of fear washed over me. My Chemical Romance, my favorite band, my life. What could be wrong? A thousand thought san trough my head, had one of them died? Was something wrong with their family? Were they hurt? I rushed onto the official My Chemical Romance homepage, where there was a note that left me shocked.
“Being in this band for the past 12 years has been a true blessing. We've gotten to go places we never knew we would. We've been able to see and experience things we never imagined possible. We've shared the stage with people we admire, people we look up to, and best of all, our friends. And now, like all great things, it has come time for it to end. Thanks for all of your support, and for being part of the adventure.
My Chemical Romance”
What? No, My Chem couldn’t be over, they couldn’t end! I felt tears begin to boil in my eyes as I ran up to my room and collapsed on my bed. I sobbed for the band that had helped me through so much. That saved my life. That had ceased my self-harm habits. That had inspired me to create. That had inspired me to live.
Mom walked in cautiously and sat besides me.
“They really meant a lot to you, didn’t they?” she asked. She had no idea. Imagine a lifeline, the only thing to hold onto, and if it’s let go of, gone. Falling into a never ending hole of darkness, with no escape. A grey world. MCR kept me out of that world. They quite literally saved my life. Without them, I may very well not be here today. Or I could very possibly be in a hospital. They kept me sane. Where do I go when my sanity has gone?
My mom walked out, leaving me to my thoughts. It was now nearing 11:00 at night, I knew I should go to bed, but I wanted to do something to commemorate this life changing event that still hurts me today. I stayed up all night, writing out the lyrics to every song they had ever written, and hung them off my walls. They are still there, six months later.
Some people don’t understand how important MCR’s break up was for me and the rest of the fandom’s family. It was an end, but also a new beginning. Many people dropped out of the MCRmy (what fans refer to themselves as), but the people who stayed grew even closer. ToEveryEnemy, Blood’yRevenge, ThePatientOne, LoneStar, and me, we’re closer than ever now that our heroes are dead. With every bad comes a good, and I will be forever changed from what I learned from My Chemical Romance. 

Monday September 30, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys,
Haven't posted in a few days. Longish time I guess. Not really.
Anyways, homecoming was on Saturday. It was okay, I wore a suit and Monica wore a 50's dress. I like Monica a lot, and people were awww-ing over our slow dances. We were the cute lesbian couple. But something felt a little bit off, a tiny bit wrong. I don't think we're right. She's cute and prefect and beautiful, but she doesn't have that edge. She's missing a flaw. I can't be with someone who's too prefect, because I'm being honest here, I am flawed in ways and I want someone who really understands that, who's messed up, with a morbid sense of humor. Like J. I miss him. We had something that was terribly beautiful. He was a hurt little revenger who pulled me into this family. He taught me what pain meant, and although it hurt, I needed to see it. He showed me what love really is. And now I lost him. I think he's still been in the hospital, but his grandmother calls me sometimes to tell me how he's doing. We think he's getting better. All we want is for him to move in with his grandmother, then he wouldn't have the stress of foster homes. I really wish I didn't care for him like this because he hurt me so much when he hurt himself and when he was confused by who he was. Sometimes when I think back to what we were like when we were together, I think why did I ever like someone who did that? Because I can't help it. I've fallen.

Friday September 27, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

hey, so homecoming is tomorrow. I'm going with my girlfriend and I want it to be really special for her. Do any of you have any thoughts on how I can make her night perfect?
She's wearing a super light mint green 50's style dress and I'm wearing a casual suit-thing. Meaning black skinny jeans, a white button down shirt and a black blazer. It's really thrown together, but I have no money.
Thanks for any information you have :)
- Z

Tuesday September 24, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys,
So now I'm seriously questioning my gender. My girlfriend has been very supportive of me, and has helped me open my mind. I wasn't always this way. When I was little, I thought I was half boy half girl. But other than that I was very girly. Up until I was in about fifth grade, that is. But then, things began to change. I started liking dresses less and less, and I stopped wishing for long hair (my mother had always cut it short). I realized that I identified as a homosexual. Now, or since 7th grade, I'm not sure if the term 'lesbian' fits me. It doesn't fit me because lesbian refers to a female who is attracted to other females. I was/am not sure if I identify as female.
The reason this is so confusing is that I really didn't feel this way when I was younger, and everyone always goes on about 'born this way.' Was I born this way? Has my gender always been hiding? Or did my gender develop as I grew older? I wish I knew. It makes me feel like such an outsider, I'm nervous that other genderqueer people wouldn't accept me because of this.
It's not that I hate my body. It's that it's not quite right, but not wrong either. I identify as male and female. Mainly male, though. I feel so... free when I can let lose and just act manly. I feel good that way. But I'm scared, what if I'm wrong? What if it's a phase? I don't know what to do with myself right now. But I know I'll figure it out some day.
Thanks for listening
- Z

Tuesday September 24, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Attention: All My Chemical Romance fans who have begun to give up. PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE OUT OF YOUR DAY TO READ THIS AND PASS IT ALONG.
We have to have to HAVE TO keep this fandom alive. Everyone is abandoning it. We can't give up. My Chemical Romance is still a part of my heart. The role plays are dying, the fan fictions are dropping, the radio stations aren't getting requests for them anymore, it's sad. If you loved MCR as much as I did you wouldn't abandon it and leave it to die. Gerard said "MCR is gone, but it can never die." Its alive in US. We have to stay strong! I can't stand watching the website be deserted and the RPs fall flat. Anyone who sees this pass it along. Repost, reblog, take a picture, quote. ANYTHING. I don't want a single MCR fan in the world to go without seeing this. If you've left the fandom, if you've stopped being a part of this wonderful amazing family, please, go back to your role playing accounts, go back to, write another fan fiction, keep this GOING. But please, I'm begging you, go back to it. deviantART, Wattpad, Tumblr, Twitter, FanFiction, MCRmy, ANYHTING. What if there's that one person on that website who's waiting for a message? Who really wants to read your story? Who wants to talk to you because if she doesn't she might give up? We're more than just MCR. We make art, love, power, happiness for everyone else in the fandom. Please take the time to read this and just check one last time. I can't stand to see this once amazing beautiful family fall to pieces.

Monday September 23, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

My heroes are gone... what will I do when I post a blog on here and there's no one here to reply. When I'm the only one left. When everyone else moves on, and I'm stuck in my own little solitary world here.
What about when things don't get better. What do I do then?
I'm just not okay. And I don't know what to do. My friends must hate me, I'm always so depressing to be around. I'm going to end up losing them all, but I don't care anymore. I'm done. I feel empty. Lost. Useless. My girlfriend, I don't know how she's still happy. She's so happy. Always happy, radiating true happiness. How haven't I pulled her under? I'm trying so hard not to hurt her, but I don't trust myself to accidentally pain her.
Last year, I did something terrible. I trust everyone in the MCRmy, that's why I'm telling you guys. I had sex last year. In a mall bathroom. With my best friend. And I'm still in pain from it, whenever we're hanging out I can't help but remember what I did to him, what I did to myself. I used myself, I raped myself.
I hurt myself. And look at where that got me.
- Z