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chpeverill-conti's blog

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Dying

on April 7, 2014 - 10:14am

I feel deflated. I'm dying. There's so much that I want to say, but I don't wanna make anyone hurt like this. Fuck. I'm such a melodramatic basket case. I don't want to be here in school, I can't be in school, not now. it's 1:13 still have an hour and 5 mins fuck I don't wanna be here, I don't wanna be me fuck it fuck it fuck it.
xoxo
-Z

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Snapchat

on April 5, 2014 - 6:45am

Hey guys, my snapchat is chamaemae
hit me up, i love snppin people! Ask Broken Up and Killjoys Never Die, I send good snaps
xoxox
-Z

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hagrid and his dog

on April 4, 2014 - 6:51am
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Squirrel Day

on April 3, 2014 - 4:15am

I was bored.

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3 weeks...

on April 2, 2014 - 4:41am

3 weeks, that's how long i was clean for.
but then 3 nights ago i relapsed. did it again last night too.
such a fucking loser, i can't even go a month i used so many coping skills i learned from my program but in the end i gave in.
today i have an interview for 6-months of group therapy. i don't think they will let me in, because i haven't stopped the habit. I feel like I've turned into my bipolar, my anxiety, my failures. I don't deserve any help...
xoxo
-Z

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MY BLOG

Monday October 21, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

So much is going on now.
Since my life with my brother isn't going too well. I could a) move in with my aunt and stay in the same school b) go to boarding school or least likely c) move to san francisco and live with friends but my parents don't really want me to got that far away. I am most likely moving in with my aunt when she moves back to my town then going to boarding school next year. It's a lot though. I feel so dark all the time. I will survive though, I know I'll get through this. I have to.
How are you guys? I haven't been here in quite a while.
- Z

Monday October 21, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

So much is going on now.
Since my life with my brother isn't going too well. I could a) move in with my aunt and stay in the same school b) go to boarding school or least likely c) move to san francisco and live with friends but my parents don't really want me to got that far away. I am most likely moving in with my aunt when she moves back to my town then going to boarding school next year. It's a lot though. I feel so dark all the time. I will survive though, I know I'll get through this. I have to.
How are you guys? I haven't been here in quite a while.
- Z

Monday October 21, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

So much is going on now.
Since my life with my brother isn't going too well. I could a) move in with my aunt and stay in the same school b) go to boarding school or least likely c) move to san francisco and live with friends but my parents don't really want me to got that far away. I am most likely moving in with my aunt when she moves back to my town then going to boarding school next year. It's a lot though. I feel so dark all the time. I will survive though, I know I'll get through this. I have to.
How are you guys? I haven't been here in quite a while.
- Z

Friday October 18, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I dyed/cut my hair and this is my friend Gabbi. Sorry I haven't been on in a while. Home drama and school work has come up. Inbox me :)
- Z

Tuesday October 08, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

I’ve tried letting go of you for so long. And I am so tired of it.
Dating others does not help me move on, nor does losing contact with you or trying my hardest to stop thinking of you. Nothing works. So I decided to stop trying to let go of you, and just except that I’m not over you.
I can relate to Mayday Parade’s song, Miserable At Best. Especially the line “I miss the lips that made my fly.”
Do you remember? When I would smile so large while we kissed that we would have to stop for a moment? What about halloween? You must remember that. We were the happiest kids in the world that night. And how about the little things? Like when you read me that book about My Chemical Romance, and how I’m hooked on that band now? And that rusty saw blade, or the man that looked like Hagrid? Do those memories still mean anything to you? Because they mean the world to me.
There was something about you that was perfectly imperfect. Your life has been chaos, but you’ve been so strong about it. There’s something about being a bit off with a morbid sense of humor that I love. I don’t like you talking about Jeff. But if I could see you again, I would be able to stand it. I don’t think you know just how much I miss you. “You can love a person so much, but you can never love them as much as you can miss them.”
You know that I text Donna all the time to check in on you. Your grandmother is such a kind lady, she always gives me updates. You’ve just been moved to a hospital in Fall River. I hope this one suits you well, and maybe we can talk again.
I haven’t seen you in such a long time, my image of you that I visualize is probably very different from what you actually look like. I hear you’ve been wearing wigs and such, and your hair has most likely grown out anyways. Last time I saw you, your scars were plentiful and new. Hopefully there are no new ones and they have faded.

Wednesday October 02, 2013 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey all,
So many of you guys seem sad and lost. Keep your chin up, killjoys, and don't forget to make some noise! You ARE loveable and most definitely loved. I love all of you, and if you ever feel even a little bit off, inbox me. This isn't a request, it's an order. You all mean so much to me, I don't want one person on this site to feel off, sad, depressed, angry, lost, nothing. No more of the negative emotions. You are so beautiful and you are so worth it in every way. I'm your listening friend. I'm always here. Please, talk to me.
never let them take the light behind your eyes
xoxo
- Z
ps here, have a picture of me in second grade lol xD