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chpeverill-conti's picture

Back to school, back to treatments

on January 19, 2018 - 5:57am

Hey guys
Class in ten mins. I have English lab then sociology.
Just wanted to give an update, I haven't been online in a while. Things have been rough. I've been depeessed, and I'm back in IOP for eating disorder treatment. It's not going too well. I had two nights of it, and one of them I nearly finished dinner. Last night, I had to do a supplement. And I couldn't even finish that... but I got close.
I'm worried that they'll put me in partial (a level above where I am now). If they do that I can't go to classes.

chpeverill-conti's picture

updateeeee

on January 4, 2018 - 6:41am

hey
i haven't been online in a while
been sorta depressed. makes doing anything a chore. its hard for me to even get together with my boyfriend or get out of the car after going somewhere.
i really like the band choking victim. they are ska punk. check them out!
started a new sewing project, as i got my very own sewing machine for xmas. i'm making a dress with black and white flowers on it. i cut out the pattern and ironed everything yesterday. not i'm going to cut out the fabric and begin sewing today. it's a snow day. we are expected 8-12 inches? i think?
thats all for now
love ya's
xoxoZ

chpeverill-conti's picture

sorry ive been gone!!!!

on December 13, 2017 - 1:36pm

hey
sorry i havent been online much. been spending more time on HEXrpg, a harry potter role play site. wanna get back into this though
got a B+ in psych :)
nearly finished the overalls ive been sewing. just need to make button holes
had to get rid of jack the dog after 5 days, he was too anxious and my other dog did not like him
going to florida for xmas
\xoxoz

chpeverill-conti's picture

art and inspiration playlist

on November 23, 2017 - 6:05pm

I made a playlist to listening to when I'm arting. however, it has 154 songs and I'm not posting all of those so here's the highlights:
1. searchlight - aurora
2. cardiac arrest - bad suns
3. i still think - darren criss
4. shit luck - days n daze
5. sex changes - dresden dolls
6. she's so high - everclear
7. anne arbour - the get up kids
8. normal - the homeless gospel choir
9. sellout song - johnny hobo and the freight trains
10. the beer - kimya dawson
11. from here to utopia - pat the bunny
12. Áîãî›îäèöà, Ïóòèíà ï›îãîíè - pussy riot

theres just a few songs from it
thanksgiving was fine.

chpeverill-conti's picture

more dog, thanksgiving, boredom

on November 22, 2017 - 1:03pm

hey fellas
rainy day. been making patches all day. hanging out with salsa (thats what we call her) today I hope. we're planning on going to the thrift store. I have a pre-adoption consult on next Friday to help me figure out what type of dog would fit my needs, my disability, my activity level, ect. the woman i talked to suggested i either meet jack the dog and not adopt him without going home and thinking about it or putting off meeting jack until after the consult. I think I want to meet jack decide about getting him later.

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Wednesday November 22, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

hey fellas
rainy day. been making patches all day. hanging out with salsa (thats what we call her) today I hope. we're planning on going to the thrift store. I have a pre-adoption consult on next Friday to help me figure out what type of dog would fit my needs, my disability, my activity level, ect. the woman i talked to suggested i either meet jack the dog and not adopt him without going home and thinking about it or putting off meeting jack until after the consult. I think I want to meet jack decide about getting him later. Just because I might notice something that really determines that he's a bad match. but will need to talk to parents about it.
thanksgiving tomorrow. not worried about it. i know i'll be more numb/dissociative thank anxious while we're at my uncle's house. I don't mind being numb and dissociating as long is it doesn't get to the point where it's scary.
it's so boring here. i feel like i should be doing something more exciting. im 19, i should have more friends. a job, living out of my parents house. i know thats not where im at right now but thats where id like to be. its very dark outside, especially since its only 4 pm.
xoxoz

Tuesday November 21, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

heyoo!
I have news.
I think we may have found a dog to train as a service dog! His name is Jack. He's 10 months old. He's an Australian Shepard. We talked to his breeder and she had really good things to say about him and he's already been to some obedience classes. If Jack works out, all we'd have to do left is register him, get his vest and an "in training" patch, and find a specialized trainer. I'm excited. I think a dog like this would really help me.
More good news, I only noticed dissociating less than 4 times in the past 5 days or so!!! It really fluctuates but this week has been ok. Although I did almost run two red lights cause I was dissociating while driving....
Had psych class today. I feel like I did really well on the quiz!
Thanksgiving is on Thursday. We're going to my uncle Bill's house. It should be kinda stressful. But I'm ok, even a little optimistic?
This weekend looks pretty good. On Saturday we're going to New Hampshire to meet Jack and maybe take him home. On Sunday, Sierra invited me to go bowling with her and her boyfriend (?)(I don't really know their status?) and I might go to that but only if we don't end up taking Jack home because if we do I'd want to spend some time getting to know him.
Hope you all are well
xoxoz

Monday November 20, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

heyooo!
i guess there will be two posts in a row from me cause you guys gotta pick up the pace! if this were i posting competition id totally be kicking your asses.
puppy update: Spencer's mountain emailed us back. they're exclusively an aussie breeder.they said they have a litter due around december 2nd! and they do do screenings for genetic mutations and all the weird eye problems Australian shepherds can get. like having no eyes, cataracts, or missing part of the pupil. I think they look good but they don't let you visit the puppy until you get to bring it home, cause someone tracked in illness once and got the litter sick.
class in a few hours. its my social welfare class.
sorry for that weird post last night. i sorta shut down. and i shut down harder than i have in a while (like since i graduated high school in the summer). Dyl was really worried about me. felt bad about that. but this shit keeps happing to me and i can't help it. he knows that. it just sorta sucks. the dissociations, the anxiety, the numbness, the lack of emotions/muted emotions. it happens every day. although I haven't dissociated that i've noticed in about 3 days. so that's good.
making my grandma a pussy hat, like they wore at the women's march all over the USA. she should like it :)
have support group today. i'm actually kinda excited. the people there are very nice. we have a good group right now. usually, we go in and do the rose (something good that happened) the bud (something you're looking forward to) and thorn (something that didn't go well). then we circle around the group and talk about things ED related or not that we need support on.
I guess that's all i have to say for now.
xoxoz

Sunday November 19, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

i know i am in my room
i know i am z
i know its killjoys anniversary
i dont know whos lying next to me
i know it's dylan but im confused
im confused because i don't know who it is
i know where i am but i dont really
i know im not dissociating
i think im floating, not present
i want to hit something to know its real

xoxoz

Sunday November 19, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey everyone! So glad to see a bit more activity on here, every single post counts!
Exciting news, we're looking at Australian shepherd puppies to train as my service dog!!!!!!!!! I've never seen a puppy in real life. and Ive always had aussies. i think it would be a really good fit for my disability too. can you guys help me think of names? i want it to be a kinda funny name. but also cute. and not like a generic dog name.
I've done most of my xmas shopping. I got....
my brother some comic books
my mom a bath robe
my dad a vest (making it from scratch) and a frog tape despencer
my aunt lipstick
my boyfriend a 41 pack of condoms and funny socks (he only wears knee high funny socks)
my friends victoria's secret underwear
my grandma a hat im making
yeah. I think I'm a pretty good xmas shopper.
Lexicon would be a good dog name.
Lola (one of my dogs) is in bed with me. She's so funny. She's under the covers and isn't enjoying my noisy typing so she keeps groaning haha!!!
xoxoxz

Thursday November 16, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

hey guys
it's awfully quiet here! lets liven things up a bit!
let's see... what's up in my life.....
Well, I might get a PTSD/anxiety service dog! Might. it's HELLA expensive (>$10,000). And takes a year or two to train and find the dog. but it would really help with my dissociations and everything. I have a phone interview with the organization I'm looking into in 11 days.
Today is a busy day. I had psych class. We talked about learning new behaviors and things of that sort. Quiz on Tuesday. I got extra credit HW, that will help my grades.I have therapy in 1.5 hours. I have some cool art to show my therapist. I got a cool tin box, a hot glue gun, really cool dead bugs (I collect dead bugs), shark and human teeth (my teeth, don't worry), pictures, bones, a taxidermy turkey foot, some of my hair, ect and put it all to together to get some deep meaningful shit! But it would be a lot of typing to explain it all and I don't want to upset anyone haha.
I wish this site was active like it used to be. at least 4 posts a day. now there hasn't been one since, what, the 12th? that's like four days!!! c'mon guys!!!!
in other irrelevant news, I have tried wearing lip gloss. I was always scared cause it's messy and you can't make out when you have it on, but I have discovered I enjoy it immensely. that might be too strong a word. anyways, it looks good.
Dylan is good. He's such a good boyfriend. In about 2 weeks we will have been together for 11 months :) He's really good to me when I'm having a hard time with anxiety or dissociations. If I don't want to do something we don't do it, no questions asked. He's cute. He likes reptiles (which I don't know anything about but it's sorta really badass). He likes metal, I like punk. We both dye our hair. I'm pink hair, he's blue. He's just tall enough to rest his head on mine. I don't appreciate him as much as I should. He listens to me even if I'm talking about my mental health and it's hard to hear. I hope I'm as good to him as he is to me. We're pretty fucking adorable.
Anyways, keep rocking dudes.
I hope they read my blogs on here at my funeral cause they're deep, weird, and personal as fuck. Not that I'm having a funeral any time soon o.0
sorry for the long blog, just making up for all the lack of posting here.
xoxoz