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chpeverill-conti's blog

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chpeverill-conti's picture

Just a day

on January 24, 2018 - 12:33pm

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

chpeverill-conti's picture

Just a day

on January 24, 2018 - 12:33pm

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

chpeverill-conti's picture

Just a day

on January 24, 2018 - 12:33pm

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

chpeverill-conti's picture

Just a day

on January 24, 2018 - 12:33pm

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

chpeverill-conti's picture

Just a day

on January 24, 2018 - 12:33pm

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

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Wednesday January 24, 2018 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

Wednesday January 24, 2018 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

On the couch. Just woke up from a nap. In half an hour I need to leave to meet with my casemaager. We usually meet during iop. I'm worried she'll have bad news.

Class was alright today.

Went out to lunch at Panera with my aunt.

I'm wearing a kilt today. With doc Martin's, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Looks pretty good, actually. I hope shane would be proud if he still went online haha.

It's cooooold

That's all for now. I have program tonight. Trying yo get back into blogging every day again.

Xoxoz

Tuesday January 23, 2018 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

it is raining and i am sad. i do't have much motivation to do much of anything right now.
I was going to go to the library but its raining too hard.
i was going to find a way to recycle my old, ripped up and stitched back together jeans (any ideas?) but i dont know what to do with them.
i need to have lunch in 34 mins. not that anyone is counting.
math class was pretty dull. its a two hour class. we talked more about how to print our homework from the computer program we use. for an hour we talked about that. the other hour, we did two practice tests and talked about subtraction.
i burnt insense last night and now my room smells good.
i'm on my period. everything hurts. and i am tiered.
im sorry im being so negative, guys. its just one of those days.
any ideas of how i could not make today so blah? let me know.
I do still want to go to the library.
and i want to Finnish cutting out my new sewing pattern. just need to cut out the interfacing.
hope you all are doing swell and flying high
xoxoz

Sunday January 21, 2018 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hi, I haven't been on in a week or something or maybe it's been a couple days, I don't know.

Depression feels a little more manageable, and I really want to get better right now.I have 4 classes going on right now, and I intend on getting at least B's on ALL of them. If I'm in depressed and treatment for the whole semester, that's not going to happen. But my meal plan is being far from completed right now...

I've never wanted to grow up, but now I'm 19. I'm *technically* an adult. But my therapist was bringing up how I behave very immature when I always seek guidance instead of doing things for myself. And I've never really cared about being an "adult child". It's easier. But now I'm thinking... I really want to get an apartment this year or next year if I don't get into any schools that have housing for next year. And I REALLY want to get a job that's either fun retail (like newbury comics, that was a fun place to work) or work for a non profit, or work some really low level entery level job at waside or the crisis call like in framingham, or be a respite worker (but i think i'd need an associates degree for that). But to get a job, I need to get out of IOP first. so now I'm more motivated to accelerate through IOP. however, that isn't going so well so far. food + me = hard. No way around it. even if there's food that looks good to me that I WANT to eat, it's hard. actually, when i want to eat its even harder because i fear that i'll lose control and begin to binge (even though i've never done that before). I just get scared.

and my case manager is megan. I liked megan as a MHC. not as a case manager though. as a case manager, she says "yeah" and "uh-hu" a lot, without saying a lot of content.

it's 6:00 here. I'm tiered, irritable and sad. what's wrong with me, I'm usually very happy and bubbly.

ALso, my therapist wants to get me tested for OCD. That's just what i need, ANOTHER diagnosis. I already have 3! And in family therapy, I was describing something that happened or I did or something and he asked "is that an OCD thing?" and when I told mom that my therapist wants me tested for OCD, she said that I've had OCD symptoms since I was in elementary school (ages 5-10) and that she thought I knew. Does everyone know I have OCD but me! But I wouldn't say I have it, because I haven't been tested. That's one of the rules, you don't have a diagnosis unless you're explicitly told by a doctor. I have a lot of rules for the world and what I can and can't do. I think that might be part of why they think i have OCD. THat, and my obsession with memorizing numbers. Like, in ER 8, in year 2015 at the hosipital, it says np231a27 on the wall. and in 2015, at my first job, my code was 3175802. stuff like that. I also make rules around my self with numbers. how many calories I can eat. how many weigh I can weigh. what time I do things. But I'm not a perfectionist by any means. I love messes. I love chaos. I hate when things are clean. And even though I love listening to numbers, I hate math.

If anyone has OCD please email me chpeverillconti@gmail.com because I just want to know more about it from a real person.

love you all.
xoxoz

Friday January 19, 2018 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys
Class in ten mins. I have English lab then sociology.
Just wanted to give an update, I haven't been online in a while. Things have been rough. I've been depeessed, and I'm back in IOP for eating disorder treatment. It's not going too well. I had two nights of it, and one of them I nearly finished dinner. Last night, I had to do a supplement. And I couldn't even finish that... but I got close.
I'm worried that they'll put me in partial (a level above where I am now). If they do that I can't go to classes. I need to stay in college, it's my motivation, even though I'm not particularly motivated at this point in time.
To the new kids, welcome! I've been on this site for 5 years and if you need someone to help you figure out the site or talk to, but me up!
My kik and email are on my profile
Xoxoz  

Thursday January 04, 2018 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

hey
i haven't been online in a while
been sorta depressed. makes doing anything a chore. its hard for me to even get together with my boyfriend or get out of the car after going somewhere.
i really like the band choking victim. they are ska punk. check them out!
started a new sewing project, as i got my very own sewing machine for xmas. i'm making a dress with black and white flowers on it. i cut out the pattern and ironed everything yesterday. not i'm going to cut out the fabric and begin sewing today. it's a snow day. we are expected 8-12 inches? i think?
thats all for now
love ya's
xoxoZ