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chpeverill-conti's blog

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In. The car but don't worry I'm not driving

Have you ever seen new England in the fall? The leaves bright colors. I like driving by fast and seeing the blur of reds, orange, pink and yellow. It's really cool. We're on our way to mass moca ,  a really cool art museum.
Hope you guys are well. I'm glad I have not much going on except this museum trip with dad and his friends.
That's all with now. Shit is kinda boring.
Got my orange boots on, ripped black jeans, yellow "jeasus was was wrong" shirt, skill bandanna around my neck and old leather jacket.
Why did i write what I'm wearing? Cause I fucking felt like it.
Xoxoz

too fucking clean

life is too clean and i cant fucking stand it i want everything to be dirty and messy and chaotic maybe i've been listening to too much black flag and shit but i feel maddened. i need to make shit dirtier but dont know how fuck maybe ill spray paint some shit that helps usually or make art thats good too
class in half an hour
xoxoz

places i'd like to live

a crackhouse without the crack
a commune
the streets (by choice)
a field of straw or hay
between a pair of breasts
in a barn i'm squatting in illegally
a music shop
my car
a dumpster
my best friend's house
in a good graphic novel
hogwarts
my own womb
a spider web (i'd be the spider)
tara (gone with the wind)
a freight train going who knows where
a shitty apartment

xoxoz

what the fuck

reading funny journial entries from a few years back. ive been journialing since i was 11 and im 19 now.

march 8, 2015
(please note we were 100% sober)
didn't write about girls night yesterday. we went to nick's pizza. (redacted name) and i peed in a walgreen's parking lot, behind a dumpster. we went to sudburry farms. (redacted name) and I rode in those kiddie carts where there's a police car built into the front end of the cart for kinds to play in. I fit nicely. Fun times :)

3/14/2012 (13 years old)
hopes and dreams lsit: get (recdacted name) to be my friend again. get a girl friend.

spam bots

fucking spammers are at it agian
xoxoz

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Thursday October 19, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

a crackhouse without the crack
a commune
the streets (by choice)
a field of straw or hay
between a pair of breasts
in a barn i'm squatting in illegally
a music shop
my car
a dumpster
my best friend's house
in a good graphic novel
hogwarts
my own womb
a spider web (i'd be the spider)
tara (gone with the wind)
a freight train going who knows where
a shitty apartment

xoxoz

Wednesday October 18, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

reading funny journial entries from a few years back. ive been journialing since i was 11 and im 19 now.

march 8, 2015
(please note we were 100% sober)
didn't write about girls night yesterday. we went to nick's pizza. (redacted name) and i peed in a walgreen's parking lot, behind a dumpster. we went to sudburry farms. (redacted name) and I rode in those kiddie carts where there's a police car built into the front end of the cart for kinds to play in. I fit nicely. Fun times :)

3/14/2012 (13 years old)
hopes and dreams lsit: get (recdacted name) to be my friend again. get a girl friend. have 3 kids. finish a fanfic. dye hair a lot. quit clarinet. watch nyan cat for an hour straight. go to cologe (that is how i spelt it, folks).never say anything mean to anyone. try exotic dancing. get good at exotic dancing. boobs reach at least a c cup. wear super slut outfit for a day. fuck a chick. get money for sex. figure out if im straight les or bi. never be popular.

Conufuzzlement list (things i'm confused by)
liking girls. why is straight the default. why is (redacted) pissed. how do i study. why is teenagerhood so hard. elyssa <3. how to tell if someone is gay. getting a girl friend. who to trust. looking hot. big boobs. spontaneous combustion. handwriting. slut.

I;m not really sure what any of it means but i thought it was pretty funny haha

xoxoz

Thursday October 12, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

fucking spammers are at it agian
xoxoz

Friday October 06, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

everyone did this on this site in like 2014. why not bring it back!

So here's what you do;
1.Go to your music player
2.Put it on shuffle
3.For each scene, press the next button and so on.
DON'T CHEAT!!

Here's what I got;

Opening credits:
Rockabilly Impending Deathfuture - days n daze

Waking up:
you're so creepy (acoustic) ghost town

First Day of school:
panic song - green day (haha)

Fighting:
we're slytherins! - draco and the malfoys

Breaking Up:
F - mindless self indulgence

Prom:
pull your own weight - veara

Life is good:
fly with me - jonas brothers

Mental Breakdown:
planet of the apes - mindless self indulgence

Driving:
SPEW - harry and the potters

Flashback:
letterbomb - green day

Making Up:
and then i died - the moaning myrtles

Wedding:
paralyzed - the used

Birth Of Child:
read your mind - the killers

Night before war:
crackhouse song - johnny hobo and the freight trains

xoxoz

Friday October 06, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

hey guys

so here's the situation: parents are out for the weekend. just me at home for the weekend. what should I do with my time? any ideas? and don't say partying, drinking or drugs because my friends are all at college and I'm not much of a lone drinker haha. I was thinking of cleaning up a bit for my mom, reading my chapter for the quiz on Tuesday, playing some video games, baking/cooking and maybe stopping by the library cause im broke haha. any other ideas would be greatly appreciated!

im so fucking tiered. idk why, dyl slept over last night, slept so well. usally we have trouble getting to sleep cause he gets too hot and moves around a lot and keeps me up. but it was very nice last night :)

been applying for jobs, so far ive applyed to bed bath and beyond, world market, and the container store. I really need a job to start saving money. so far i have about $400 in savings but thats not even one month of rent in the cheaper part of framingham.

xoxoz

Wednesday October 04, 2017 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

i was at the store today busying groceries. while I was there I saw a magazine that said "drop 1.5 lbs EVERY DAY. the cooking tweaks and easy food swaps that will turn off hunger, end aches and pains, burn stored fat" on the cover. It made me so frustrated and I don't get mad or anything ever. you know what I lost 1 lb a day and I turned of my hunger and I burned stored fat and you know what happened? I ENDED UP IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. it's true you can't just develop an eating disorder, there's a lot of things that add to it and the psycho-social model is part of it but these magazines are just a how to guide for an eating disorder. and people LOOK for these not knowing how painful it is to toucher your body like that. getting hunger queues back, gaining that weight back when your doctor says you're under weight, and stopping eating, all not fun and even painful.
then, when when i walked back to my car someone put a paper card add on the window of all the cars in my row. it said "back to school, back to work, back into shape" and was an add for a gym. this culture's OBSESSION with weight loss and "fitness" is unbelievable. no one seems to see that a balanced meal plan and a walk every day is enough for most people (with a few exceptions that a doctor can help you figure out) to stay healthy and at their body's natural healthy weight. so many people cut out carbs and fat but carbs give you energy and short term energy and fat also gives you energy and helps you stay warm.
this just..... I worked so hard to get actually healthy. I have so many friends i've met in treatment who have worked hard to be actually healthy. now that i'm really healthy, i'm a lot happier. I wish people could see that if they put down all the fucking magazines and let their body decide what's healthy for their body, they'd be a lot happier too.
sorry. rant over. please comment with any thoughts. as you can tell i still have more to say about this.
xoxoz