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chpeverill-conti's picture

let's talk about mania

on May 16, 2017 - 4:32pm

just watched a youtube video about manic episodes and its nothing like mine are. theirs was about being restless and productive. mine's very different from that. I wrote a list of ways to tell that I'm having a manic episode. they usally only last less than a day but i recetly was manic for a week when my meds were off. even if it's not the typical mania/hypo-mania, I still have the diagnosis. It's still valid. this is the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuA7HqhZW-4&t=315s

Hyper activity
Laughing uncontrollably
Moving fast
Unsafe ideas/actions
Crying
Screaming
hand tremor
Extra creative

chpeverill-conti's picture

listing of events

on May 1, 2017 - 8:37pm

I don't feel like writing a blog. so I'll just do a list of thoughts and occurrences from the day.

why did i just spend an hour watching scene kids do makeup
only five days left of partial
got hair bleach
maybe i'll wear a skirt tomorrow
or maybe not
i think i'll do neon makeup tomorrow. that would be fun.
school on monday for the first time ion ~2 months. yikes.
made a few bracelets today
i don't know how i feel right now
i never know how i feel
i wish i didn't dissociate so much
my dog is really great
i want more dogs
those videos made me want to be a scene kid again. yikes
i'm glad i'm not

chpeverill-conti's picture

Folk Punk

on April 26, 2017 - 6:51pm

hey everyone who's still online!
I just wanted to share my new favorite music genre - folk punk! it's like acoustic angry punk with harmonics and guitars and stuff. The lyrics are primarily about drug addiction, alcoholism, being homeless, and society. Really about making the best of a bad situation. Drugs are bad, kids. But if you're already into it, might as well sing about it, right?
these are the songs I made in a mix CD for my friend called "this is: Folk punk":

Timeline - Apes of the State
House On Wheels - Ghost Mice
I Listened - Apes of the State
Acid Song - Johnny Hobo and the

chpeverill-conti's picture

Miss you guys

on March 27, 2017 - 1:45pm

Hey
The site is so quiet. The MCR kid group chats are so quiet. I'm worried for our community.
There's not as much drama here as there was when I first got here. Still no idea when I'll be able to leave. I've officially been here two weeks as of today.
I'm really worried about hearing back from Framingham State University. If I don't get in, I'll have to take a gap year. And I think I'd rather be at FSU. I want to study art. I don't think I'm actually that good. But it's what I want to do and I believe I can get better at it.
One girls crying a lot. I feel bad.
Xoxoz

chpeverill-conti's picture

4 years on the site

on March 26, 2017 - 10:46am

Hey everyone!
Yesterday was my four year anniversary of signing up for this site. I couldn't blog yesterday because my phone was being weird.
Still not sure when I'll get out of treatment.
I'm bored
Been playing MCR on guitar
Love you guys!
XoxoZ

Pages

MY BLOG

Wednesday November 09, 2016 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

hey guys
so on club penguin theres a group of users called the pookies. pookies are normal penguins who are yellow, hang out at the pet shop and pretend to be babies.
and they inspired me
what if everyone who comes on this site makes a Club Penguin and we make an emo group on there like the pookies, but cool!
friend me on CP, i'm emolordmcr cause we'll make this work.
xoxoz

Tuesday November 08, 2016 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Hey guys
I'm at resi. again. third time in resi. But whatever. I knew I'd end up here, I was doing so bad. As of today, I;ve been here for a week.
Applying to art schools now. It's the first thing that's ever gotten me excited for college, the potential of doing art for life. So I'll go with it :)
I can't blog much right now, because the program's desktop computer is broken :( but I can blog from my personal computer during the two hour school block if I finish all my work.
My parents and I have made a deal. If I eat ALL my food for a whole day, I earn prizes. These prizes include:
- getting my guitar at program
- Friends visiting program
- Putting new tunnels in my ear (I'm a size 00)
- Club Penguin Membership (it's about to expire)
- Dying hair
- getting eyeliner
Stuff like that. So far I've earned my guitar and my friend Dylan is visiting tonight. We've been best friends for about 5 or 6 years so we're hoping to get matching tattoos. I'm gonna get a D and he's gonna get a Z and they'll be in the skyrim rune dragon alphabet, Dovahzul. We're thinking inner forearm, collar bone, or somewhere more visible like that. He has some money from working seasonal at Party City but I've been unemployed for a while so I'll need to find a job soon for that.
Been playing a lot of Club Penguin here with another kid here. I fucking live for Club Penguin :P
I'll blog when I can, and I'll read and comment as much as I can!
love you guys, you keep me going
xoxoz

Monday October 31, 2016 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti
Sunday October 30, 2016 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

TW: Eating Disorder, possible hospitalizations

hey guys
I've been offline for a while now! sorry about that. things have just been pretty crazy over here....
I mentioned getting a job in my last blog, at the farm. I had to quit last weekend. It was took me two hours to eat breakfast. My disorder is controlling my life...
Met with my clinician. He said I've lost weight this week and if I don't start gaining by Friday, I'm going inpatient to Alcott. That's where they tube you if you don't finish meals. I'm so scared, I woke up this morning having a panic attack cause even though I really want to stay out of Alcott, I feel like I don't have control over myself anymore.
Sorry all my posts are so depressing....
In other (better) news, tomorrow's halloween! and frank's birthday! Been hanging out with friends. Still love my car. Been talking to MCR kids outside of this site. Playing a lot of Club Penguin. Writing a paper about Club Penguin, actually. Doing a lot of work on College apps. I'm applying to art school :)
so that's that. I'm gonna go post some comments on your blogs and then maybe I'll play club penguin
xoxoZ

Friday October 07, 2016 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

Sweet Meadow Farm hired me! I have work tomorrow and Sunday from 8:30-2. Gonna clean the coops and help with the shop. Glad to get some income and be doing something fun like a farm :)
Took some pictures for my art school portfolio. have 8 pictures that are going into the portfolio and I need 15-25. I still have until December 1st, taking more pics at school on tuesday.
getting some of my tatt colored in on monday!
xoxoZ

Saturday October 01, 2016 
| Posted by: chpeverill-conti

It's 5:36 am. I'm supposed to be getting up at 6 or 6:20 but can't sleep cause I'm so nervous. I have to leave at 7 am, to get to school at 7:45 am to sit the test for 6 hours.
For those of you out of the USA and don't know what the SAT's are, they're a HUGE test. SAT stands for Scholastic Aptitude Test, it's basically the test colleges use to judge you on weather or not they want you in their school. I'm looking at art school, for the most part, and for my top choice (Mass Art) the SAT is optional. But Framingham State (another option) says they require the SAT, although they don't judge it too hard.
I feel like college is coming too fast. Most applications are due in February (I think) which sounds like a long time. But I still need to write my college essays, get recommendation letters from my teachers, finish filling out the common app (which I can't complete until I get my SAT test results and talk to my guidance councilor), and I have to make my portfolio for art school! The portfolio sounds fun but the rest sounds so stressful. Any advice from the older crew? People who are in college/university?
thanks for reading my rant, if you did :)
xoxoZ