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Personal Stuff (In Sickness and In Health)

on March 8, 2016 - 7:10am

For the past two weeks, I've been feeling like shit; coughing, sniffling, headaches, the typical symptoms that come with a cold. But no matter what I do, it won't go away! I can barely talk right now because I've been coughing so damn much, and it hurts to breathe... But guess what, I'm still having to go to school... Although, my parents finally realized this morning when I could barely choke out a "good morning", that I might need to stay home for a bit. Bummer is, I have a shit ton of tests and projects due today and the rest of this week... So I went to school anyways.

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School Love

on March 4, 2016 - 10:54am

Classrooms,
Tumblr,
These endless thoughts
of you.

Homework,
Fanfics,
Doodling pictures
in a notebook.

Essays,
Love letters,
Morning coffee
that’s cold.

Rules,
Love,
Being the rebels
we are.

Scolding,
ignoring,
dealing with these
consequences.

Fighting,
cuddling,
trying to keep each other
alive…

Punishments,
Pencils,
the endless embrace
of death…

Poetry by Jade Trisdale 2-26-16 9:08am

I don't really like the title of this one. If you guys can think of something, go ahead and let me know! It's not my best form of poetry, but I haven't posted one in a while.

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Personal Stuff

on March 3, 2016 - 10:48am

I'm trying not to cry right now...
I... you guys know the old bad habits I have? With blades... I relapsed not too long ago.. I've been trying not to since... but I did again this morning... I.. I had brought it to school with me, for some stupid goddamned reason... and I relapsed...
Afterwards, I found my love in the hallway. He knew I was upset, just not about what, until I showed him the blade... He held his hand out for it, so... I gave it to him... hesitantly, but I still gave it to him. We went to our separate classes, and I immediately wished I hadn't given it to him.

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Personal Stuff

on March 1, 2016 - 8:12am

Ugh... I'm sick DX
But mum's still making me go to school v.v she says I'm not THAT sick that I have to miss a day.. my entire body aches... I can't breathe... I just had a really bad coughing fit in the middle of class where I couldn't breathe for a bit, so I had to excuse myself to the hall and tried to regain my breath... my face is all red now cause I started crying... FUCK. Today is gonna suck... and my love isn't keeping away from me, so I'm scared I'm gonna get HIM sick... v.v I hope not... I'm feeling very pessimistic right now.. I'm sorry.

lostn'foundagain's picture

Drowning in Space

on February 26, 2016 - 5:59pm

Space.
Such a timid thing.
It is everywhere,
yet nowhere…
It is visible,
yet invisible.

Space is where
the Absence
of you is.
Space is the
Air
that separates us.

The air is seen,
but not there.
It has left the
Space in my lungs.

Space engulfs the
ships at sea,
though we call it water,
Drowning…
Leaving no space for
Air in our lungs.

Space is a button
on a keyboard.
The white between
Words.
The silence of three
dots…

Jade Trisdale
2-26-16 11:34am

Pages

MY BLOG

Friday March 04, 2016 
| Posted by: lostn'foundagain

Classrooms,
Tumblr,
These endless thoughts
of you.

Homework,
Fanfics,
Doodling pictures
in a notebook.

Essays,
Love letters,
Morning coffee
that’s cold.

Rules,
Love,
Being the rebels
we are.

Scolding,
ignoring,
dealing with these
consequences.

Fighting,
cuddling,
trying to keep each other
alive…

Punishments,
Pencils,
the endless embrace
of death…

Poetry by Jade Trisdale 2-26-16 9:08am

I don't really like the title of this one. If you guys can think of something, go ahead and let me know! It's not my best form of poetry, but I haven't posted one in a while. It sounds a bit confusing ereading it, but ah well. .-.

Thursday March 03, 2016 
| Posted by: lostn'foundagain

I'm trying not to cry right now...
I... you guys know the old bad habits I have? With blades... I relapsed not too long ago.. I've been trying not to since... but I did again this morning... I.. I had brought it to school with me, for some stupid goddamned reason... and I relapsed...
Afterwards, I found my love in the hallway. He knew I was upset, just not about what, until I showed him the blade... He held his hand out for it, so... I gave it to him... hesitantly, but I still gave it to him. We went to our separate classes, and I immediately wished I hadn't given it to him. I told him so over email. And we agreed that he'd give it back, so long as I got rid of it... with him right there... to make sure of it...
So.. after class... he walked with me to a secluded part of the hallway with a trashcan, and I kissed it goodbye, then threw it away...

I got rid of the worst chapter of my life(so far) today... The last remaining piece of Aaron, that blade that he gave me so I could continue with my self harming tendencies... I'm Finally rid of it. Thanks to my love... I can start healing....
I'm sorry to anyone who reads this... I wasn't strong enough on my own... and if it brought you down...
THINK OF KITTENS OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO CUTE.
I hope that worked to lift the mood.
Anyways, I hope you guys are having a great day and listening to great music <3

Tuesday March 01, 2016 
| Posted by: lostn'foundagain

Ugh... I'm sick DX
But mum's still making me go to school v.v she says I'm not THAT sick that I have to miss a day.. my entire body aches... I can't breathe... I just had a really bad coughing fit in the middle of class where I couldn't breathe for a bit, so I had to excuse myself to the hall and tried to regain my breath... my face is all red now cause I started crying... FUCK. Today is gonna suck... and my love isn't keeping away from me, so I'm scared I'm gonna get HIM sick... v.v I hope not... I'm feeling very pessimistic right now.. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll upload a poem later today..? Who knows...
Well.. aside from being sick, my friend and I had a small photo shoot yesterday. We're planning on having another today after school, but idk now since I'm not feeling so well...
Anyways,.. I hope you guys are having a great day and listening to great music... <3

Friday February 26, 2016 
| Posted by: lostn'foundagain

Space.
Such a timid thing.
It is everywhere,
yet nowhere…
It is visible,
yet invisible.

Space is where
the Absence
of you is.
Space is the
Air
that separates us.

The air is seen,
but not there.
It has left the
Space in my lungs.

Space engulfs the
ships at sea,
though we call it water,
Drowning…
Leaving no space for
Air in our lungs.

Space is a button
on a keyboard.
The white between
Words.
The silence of three
dots…

Jade Trisdale
2-26-16 11:34am

Wednesday February 24, 2016 
| Posted by: lostn'foundagain

Just a little update here.
Getting the email notification from the site saying the little Gerard Way figurines were on sale kinda got my spirits up; then I realized I have no money... so fuck... My sis told me she bought me one at Hot Topic during Christmas time, but those gifts still haven't been shipped out. .-. ah well. I have enough crap gathered in my room. Speaking of, I have this Red Line trick bike I'm looking to sell!! It's in great condition, custom black and green paint job, the brakes work! The reason I'm selling it is so I can get a new Alternator for my car .-. they're about $200.... and that's what I'm hoping to get for the bike.... but I highly doubt I'll get that much.... oh well... one can dream, right!?
Anyways! Things between my love and I are going swell <3 We hit a rough patch going 90 over the weekend, but we're recovering! We held on and we're getting through this... It was all my fault, actually... He's been friends with his ex forever... and I found out they were still talking and got jealous... I'm still a bit ">.>" about the whole situation, but there's not much I can do about it... So! I'm ignoring it! Hoping it'll go away from the back of my head! v.v *sighs* Anyone that knew me last year might understand why I'm so weirded out and uncomfortable with this situation. Remember Aaron, guys? Yeah... that guy fucked me up.. bad.. Serious trust issues now. I had a massive panic attack last Wednesday... Couldn't breathe... couldn't even see... it was really bad... and my love didn't know what to do... I scared him... bad. Cause afterwards, I was just.. numb. I didn't feel anything at all afterwards, you know how that is, right? After an episode like that, you lose all feeling and become a veggie. Well, he thought that I meant I had lost feeling for HIM. Thought I didn't love him anymore, which sparked a whole new panic attack where after I didn't even want to move... and when he went to bed, I stayed up and... well... I relapsed into a bad habit.... BUT! I haven't done that since Wednesday/Thursday! It was a lapse in my self-control, and I'm not planning on letting it happen again!
NOW FOR HAPPY STUFF! I HAVE COFFEE!!!! And I feel really cute this week! Monday, I wore this pretty light white/blue jean dress and a black flower crown <3 Today, I'm wearing my skeleton leggings with an overly large black shirt with a skull in the middle made of cats <3 Oh! And Pigtails! I'm going to do my makeup here in a few minutes, I'm going goth today, since I went pastel Monday <3
I hope you all are having a great day and listening to great music..

Wednesday February 24, 2016 
| Posted by: lostn'foundagain

We were attracted to one another’s
sadness.
Glancing up at just the right
moment
to see a glimmer, a shimmer of
pain.
We couldn’t help but fall in
love…
When it all turned to
hell,
well, what more did you
expect?
I always knew we would
hurt
one another with our own
pain…
I’m so very sorry, so very
sorry…
I know you won’t forgive
me.
— Jade Trisdale2016