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Please Read and Help

http://www.gofundme.com/az5q40

Hi guys,

I'm asking you guys to check out this page in hopes that you will help me pick my life up. I have been in and out of living in my car for the past 4 years, and it looks like if I don't get the help I need I will be living in it permanently.

To tell you why I'm asking all of you this, this is my story.

I grew up in an abusive home as a child, I will skip the gory details, the family that could have intervened, all of it. The point is I had been taken out after four years of dealing with the physical/mental abuse, brainwashing, drug, and alcholoic influences that had occupied my life; age 13. This lead to my first, second, third, and finally fourth foster home.

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Selling Danger Days Ray Gun Party Poison Edition

Hi all,

I have been a fan of MCR since 2004 and have followed them to all NJ & NY shows. I have collected some pretty amazing things through their memrobilia and have enjoyed their pieces thoroughly. However, coming into some difficult finances ahead of me with finishing up University, I'm in a stretch for cash. I want this piece to go to a good home and have listed it up on ebay. It's one of the few that are up there, seeing that everybody wants to hang onto something super rare (I don't blame you, I would too if I could). I'm accepting best offer, so please check it out.

Yours truly,

A fellow Killjoy

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The Seven Stages of Acceptance

I was trying to refrain from posting a blog; because the bands breakup is something I know I've already accepted, and that's what kills me the most.

I've liked this band since the goddamn beginning. I was in elementary school still, and even though I had no idea what kind of spout they were going on about- the sound itself then had captivated me. It was only into my secondary elementary days did I begin listening to the words.

A life like mine isn't the hardest, but it sure as hell isn't the easiest. At such a young age with drug addicted parents, and being the front force of their verbal and psychological abuse; no one came to save me. This band, this idea, was all that I could hold onto in such a desperate time. As a brainwashed naive child who only wished for solace, I found that in their words that I was special in my way and I will overcome that obstacle..

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Burning Bright

For the last few weeks I've been in a sort of chaotic storm of emotions. At that awkward age of 20, finishing my third year in University, and still emotionall calming myself from a horrible relationship I had gotten out of almost a year ago- I've been projecting myself like a blank page. Everything on the outside is calm and composed, emotionless. But on the inside a raging hell battles on with my psyche, trying desperately to burn me alive.

Quite a few times I've let it consume me. I realize I do this to myself; all the stress I experience is my own doing. Though on a deeper note it stems so much further than that and extends into the parental guidance I lacked as a child.

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Bound and Chained

A poem I wrote a while back. Seeing that Valentines day is a few days away and I'm sadly single I thought I'd share what I wrote with you all.

To the other half at the end of this red thres...I wish you would fine me.
They say we're sewn together, and yet I can feel myself coming apart at the seams; but still this one string keeps me bonded to you.
It co could be hope, but most of the time it's just a symbol to mock my breaking heart.
Because I can feel you tugging its' threads; you must be with another.
You're just cutting into the wound making its color deeper; further staining it with my blood.....

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We're Not All Nice People

I'm in this basic acting course in university where my lecturer wants us to get in touch with our feelings, so that we can evoke emotion truthfully when portraying a role.

I had initially took this course to help me in my better understanding for character development in my writings, because Creative Writing courses were not enough, and I thought 'Well the best thing to understand people is to interact with people' so I took it upon myself to enroll.

But never would I think that I'd come to the self realization that I am not in touch with my emotions.

Something like happiness and sadness are things that I can't bear myself to show to others. I feel embarrassed when I smile, or when I begin to get teary eyed. I see these as weaknesses due to a traumatic past. I realized the only emotion I can truly show is anger. When I am angry I do show it. But the thing is, I'm not angry all the time. In fact it takes a lot to get me angry.

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Number 4

I ordered the box set of the records the night they came out. And today I received my record of Number 4 two days earlier than expected. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic; feeling sort of special ^_^

But did anyone else get theirs early too??

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The Problem With Fan Girls

I realize this is a very touchy topic amongst girl fans, because there is a VERY fine line between liking the band and living the band.

I bring this up because I, like I'm sure many of you all, follow the band on their multiple social networking sites because, hey, they're people we look up to.

So let me get back to the point. Fangirls, have the personality of believing that they should stick up for the band, but against other fans? That makes noy have sense...

Guys, we're supposed to be a fucking family here. And I get most families are dysfunctional, but if you want to have a good time at a show where the band is playing, you have to show respect.

And I know the female part of the fans; we all have estrogen are easy to piss of etcetera etcetera. But that's no excuse to be rude to the same sex. Look. The guys are married, they have kids. And in reality are probably 15+ years older than you.

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Jack Frost sort of looks like Gerard....

So I went to see Rise of The Guardians this past week and I noticed something funny. I had a major crush on Jack Frost lol. The more I looked I wondered why and found that he sort of looked like Gerard.

Your thoughts?

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I'm Slowly Becoming an Aneorexic

I'd like to start this off by saying I LOVE FOOD.

But with recent dramatics going on in my life: A not too recent bad break up with my now ex of 4 years, failing all of my classes of my Junior year at University, attempting a film project but my best friend doesn't notice she's refusing to cooperate, along with the fact that this new guy I'm talking to thinks I look and act like his ex (My ex told me the only reason why he dated me was because I looked like his ex as well), along with money issues, is making me ill.

I'm falling into a depression, I can tell. I want to sleep all the time, I want to be left alone, I've been a bitch to my best friend in college, and now she won't even pick up my calls or texts...I just can't find it in myself to eat.

I'll look at food and think 'I'm fucking starving' but when I take the first bite my stomach just doesn't want it. It will make me sick if I even take a second bite.