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This Ain't no Sideshow

on December 24, 2016 - 3:44pm

Well Merry Christmas everyone, Another Year I'll be single....

Hopefully I'll find someone soon.

If I could take it all back and have you back Skullrose I would but I don't even think you are on this site anymore.

I wanted to tell you that the post about the Relationship wasn't about you, It was about an Ex of mine from when I was 18.

There's so many things from past relationships I wish I could take back but the people I was with probably don't want anything to do with me.

I'm a pathetic loser.

*Sigh* Why do I always fuck up everything?

mortuary sub complications Part Trece

on December 8, 2016 - 3:32pm

I haven't posted in a while, but here we go...... I recently ( within the last 2 and a half weeks maybe?)

Had an almost Psychotic Break and went to my Psychiatrist and Therapist.

[ I have a history of seasonal depression around the holidays]. So here's the story. It's kinda long so bare with me.

My ex Megan from 10th Grade when we were both in Boarding School ( for Behavioral and Mental Disorders) [ funny thing is the website says that it's a school for Asperbergers/Autism Students] However no one at that school was there for that.

But back to the story My ex from 10th Grade who was 18 when

Is it weird to say I miss being in the Hospital???

on November 28, 2016 - 10:29am

I know right? I actually miss being hospitalized and the people I meet while I'm there...

I almost once had a GF from being Hospitalized only to have a new patient who was an ex gang member steal her over.

But I miss the patients I'd be with, the food, the atmosphere in general. I mean I guess what I'm trying to say is I need a break from reality; but I'm actually not in a Mental Health situation that would require me to be put into the Hospital.

So why then do I miss being in one? I don't get it?

Happy Holidays and stuff

on November 17, 2016 - 11:44am

Well the holidays are approaching very fast.

So I hope whatever you celebrate it goes well.

I'm doing good other than the fact that I'm sick.

But I wish I had some one special to spend the holidays with.

*Sigh* maybe one day?

The cold from Hell

on November 14, 2016 - 6:38am

Well as you can read from the title I have a bad Cold and am sick. It sucks cuz I'm congested as Fuck and coughing up my lungs. I think I got sick from either being around other people who might have been sick ( at Work) or from the Smoke from the forest fires here in Georgia.

Anyways I've found some old friends and shit on facebook but idk if any of them would be interested in talking to me anyways....

Pages

MY BLOG

Sunday October 30, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well there's a girl at work that I really like and have a crush on. Her name is Burgundy and she is 19.
But that's the problem, is that too young? I mean she's really nice and we like the same things, but I'm scared to ask her out because of her age.

But then there is another girl named Taylor who is 21 but she's a Single Mom. So I'm not too crazy about that. Also I've been looking on a few sites that I'm on but haven't had much luck.

It seems every time I start to talk to some one they forget about me.

*Sigh*

Even my best friend Andrea has forgotten about me. It kinda sucks cuz if you don't count Long Distance relationships I haven't had a Gf since I was 19/20 so about 5 years.

And what's weird is my ex from when I was 18 or whatever started messaging and talking to me again.

She's married and has a kid and is pregnant with her second, and she says she misses me; but I'm like well I miss you too, but you're married and have kids so yeah.....

It seems everyone who likes me is either a single mom or a teenager.

Thursday September 29, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

If I could find the words, if I could shake the world,
If I could turn back time would you still be there?

I can't stop thinking about the way
I left you sinking with no escape.
Now there's no lifeline, no way to save.
But maybe next time I won't throw it all away.

I ask myself everyday...

If I could find the words, if I could shake the world,
If I could turn back time would you still be there?
If I could find the words to say,
If I could shake the world to break you down,
Then would you still be there?

Would you still be there? [2x]

Dislocated, I lie awake
Suffocating in my mistakes.
I lost my halo when I fell from grace,
But maybe next time I won't throw it all away.

I ask myself everyday...

If I could find the words, if I could shake the world,
If I could turn back time would you still be there?
If I could find the words to say,
If I could shake the world to break you down,
Then would you still be there?

There's no dancing around it,
I crawl into the fire then fan the flames,
And I can't stand it
And I can't stand it
But I don't have the strength to burn the page

If I could find the words, if I could shake the world,
If I could turn back time would you still be there?

If I could find the words, if I could shake the world,
If I could turn back time would you still be there?
If I could find the words to say,
If I could shake the world to break you down
Then would you still be there?
Would you still be there?

Thursday September 01, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well how is everyone? I'm going to the beach.

And guess what guy's?

I got her number and she added me on Facebook.

I started a simple conversation and it's going pretty well.

Friday August 26, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well I started going back to my ( Group thingy) it's Called Nami ( National Association Mental Illness) if you live in the states look up your local Peer to Peer group; it's really worth it, and you meet cool people.

Well this last Tuesday 8/23/16 when I went there was this really cute girl named Jennie ( don't know how she spells her name) but she had a pink dress on that zipped up at the front, and a Black and grey jacket over that. Her ears were pierced with plugs that said in one ear and out the other on them; and she had dirty blonde hair with blue/green tips.

I wanted to talk to her but she took off before I got the chance to. I want to go back but this next week the 30th? they are going bowling and it's really far away from my house, and my mom said the area the bowling center is at is in a not so good area.

So I will have to wait till September when I get back from the Beach.

so there's that.

I'm going to the beach for Labor Day Weekend, and I'm excited cuz I haven't been on Vacation all summer, what a bummer right?

but I did get to go to the water park earlier this summer as I mentioned in an earlier blog.

However my friend is at the beach this weekend and won't be back till next week and then next weekend on Friday I'm going to the beach so we will miss each other.

But I am going to play Paintball tomorrow 8/27/16, and that should be fun, then I am having dinner at my brother's house and my dad is going to look at my car and fix it up so my mom and I and my sister can take it to Florida.

Well that's pretty much all I got.

Saturday August 20, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

Well I started with my new therapist on Thursday. And let's just say I don't think she is going to be a good match. she's an old hag ( pardon my language) and mainly she just got my back ground info on why I was diagnosed Bipolar/ Schizo Affective, which in terms is kinda personal and I don't always like to bring up my past because it stresses me.

But after that the bitch had the nerve to tell me about my diagnosis as if I didn't know this shit already.

And then after that, she called in my Psychiatrist who I haven't seen since I lived in Winder ( my old house and therapy clinic) and I told them that he was the one who diagnosed me Schizo Affective; and he fucking acted like he had no clue that he had done that. So he asked me about my hallucinations; and he was like do you have them all the time or no? I'm like not all the time. Then he was like which came first the voices or the hallucinations, and I'm like I never had voices, I would hear objects that weren't there but never voices; also I'd see things that weren't there but I had to explain that it doesn't happen all the time like I was an idiot and lying.

Other than that I went to stay the night at my friend Brad's house on Tuesday who also has Schizophrenia, and we went to NAMI ( National Alliance Mental Illness), and I was in the group with all the older members so it was kinda boring and I was the last person to talk and didn't really have anything to say other than let the group know it had been over a year since the last time I was there.

And my other two friends Brad and Dustin went with me so we were supposed to be in the same group but Brad went into a different room, cuz Dustin was in there and I was comfortable and had already sat down so I was bummed.

The other group I guess was the fun group and had all the girls in it ( Damn my Shitty luck) and according to my friends there were these two hot ( "Fun sized") Emo chicks who were talking about how they tried to ( off themselves) and then out of no where started talking about vaginas.

I was just like well shit I guess I should of been with you guys.

So that is my update of woes and bitchery

Saturday July 30, 2016 
| Posted by: BlueBurnsBlack

So apparently there were some crazy nut job conspiracy guys who claimed the end of the world would be yesterday; because of polar flip?

What ever the fuck that means. Well the world didn't end and I bet those guys feel like total dumb asses now.

But yeah they were claiming that a 10th planet, which would have been 3 times larger than Earth would have passed by us and caused a Magnetic Polar Shift which would wipe out the Earths population.

Well that didn't happen. So we can all say we survived another end of the world Hoax.

Also there's a Sky Diver doing a Jump tonight with no parachute on live TV, he's supposed to land in a safety net.

I'm excited but also scared cuz what if he misses his target? then the whole world would of watched him die on live TV.